Life Line

Many children have their first experience with death when a pet or grandparent passes on. My first experience was my own encounter with the it. I became depressed at an exceptionally young age.

At age ten I had come across a lot of things I didn't understand and it became overwhelmingly difficult and I was sad beyond all control.

My first run in with death had been a failed suicide attempt. It happened during my seventh grade year and I was twelve at the time. I had attempted to hang myself with a belt in my closet, and just when I thought it was going to work, the belt snapped, forcing me back onto the ground. The sound boomed through the house. I remember hearing someone call my name, and footsteps. It had been my mother who found me.

After all was done, you could see a change in the way my mother went about her daily life differently. She roamed around like a zombie. Her movement was restrained and her face constantly still. In my attempt to end my own life, I ended something much more precious; my mother's happiness.

A few weeks after the initial incident, I had been staying at my mother's house. The house smelt of chile and the house was abnormally dark. I was lying in my mother's bed watching whatever cartoon was playing that Saturday morning. My mother walked into her room and flew onto the bed exhausted. “I cannot keep cooking for these work parties. My hands can't take it anymore.” I crawled closer to my mother

“I'm sorry mama. Do you need help?” she peered at me and a slight grin developed on her face. “Mija, you burn water.” She giggled slightly. It had been the first smile that I had witnessed in weeks, and I wanted to keep the fantastic feelings going.

I started massaging my mother's hands and you could see how much better she felt. Her facial expressions said it. They screamed it even. It appeared that her dull, lifeless eyes had returned to their bright hazel color.

My mother grabbed my hand and started tracing the lines along my palm. I remember growing up, my mother would talk about how reading palms and all of that was nothing bad luck, so I was surprised to hear: “Your life line is long. That means your going to live a very, very, very long life.”

After speaking, she pulled me in for a tight hug, and began crying. “Mi reina. Mi reina. Mi reina.” She ended up falling asleep after crying for a good twenty minutes. I couldn't sleep that night. That experience was definitely an eye-opener. I had felt the pain my mother had to feel, and it definitely changed my view on how I dealt with everything, mainly because I couldn't cause that kind of hurt to someone I loved so much.